How are you married?

Women:

Ones easy to see on the street/ones that I have picked up on simply by living here:

1. bindi (a relatively large dot in the middle of one’s eyebrows, usually red).
2. wearing a sari (saris are long pieces of cloth that you wrap around like a skirt and then throw over your shoulder, red saris also a plus toward marriage).
3. nose piercings (in the north, on the left; in the south on the right)
4. marriage ring (Western style)
5. toe ring (second toe, on either foot- I think)
6. A marking in the center of the forehead by the hairline, red or orange, going up into the part (if the woman parts her hair in the center).

Note: Just one sign is not enough- generally it’s easy to spot a married woman by looking at a combination of all of the above. 6 is a dead giveaway though.

You can spot a freshly married bride if: She’s wearing very bright red, and her sari is wrapped to also cover her head.

Men: I haven’t found anything that symbolizes a man’s marriage other than a ring on his left ring finger, but I could be wrong.

The Marriage Process:

In most of India, the marriage process is generally similar (for everything sans weddings). Do remember though, that, while the caste system is “dead,” many people still follow it, especially for higher castes. For example, we know two people who dearly wish to be married, but they are having a battle with the parents about the caste divide. The regional divide can also be important, but generally problems are not between the provinces or states, but between north and south more generally. While some customs are similar to the states, parents do like to step in. One means of parental involvement is placement of newspaper ads. While these are also written by prospective husbands- or brides-to-be, I like to think that they are all placed by the parents. Here are some prime examples (taken from a real newspaper). Note: the sections are organized by region (I think, but could actually be subcaste).

B’ful Tall PQL Mathur girl from Sts. Family for Tall Handsome Mathur boy MBBS MS 28/5’9” (b’ful= beautiful, sts= status)

SM for B’ful, Intelligent, Lively Sriv. Girl (24/5’8”, B.Sc from UK). Father reputed Surgeon Apollo Delhi. Looking for Tall, H’some, Well Edu. Boy from Cultured, reputed Family. Caste no bar.

Note: All capitalization, etc. is kept exactly the same.

Rather than bore you with examples that are actually only interesting if presented in bulk, I’ll present my findings:

People are looking for: educated, skinny, pale, good-looking people from respectable families. High caste a plus.

People advertise themselves as: good-looking, tall, relatively skinny, from a good social position or with a stable job (academic and government seem to come up the most). They also tell their age and height (generally speaking). 

After the marriage:

The bride comes into the husband’s family by moving to his parents’ house, and they live there in a joint family, along with any other sons and their families. Joint families often operate as immediate families in the state, which is to say that cousins will call themselves siblings.